Your second proto of this song is much better than the first, much deeper and gritting. I like the bass effect, add doubles or chords to strengthen it a little for a fuller feeling. The electronic melody is perfect, and if you add a softer counterpoint in the background after the second or third verse it would make a nice progression. Don't forget to bring it around full circle if you go off track in the center. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to see it complete! :-D